10 Italian "old wives" tenets I still live by

You can take a girl out of Italy, but not her Italian mama out of her head.

A few months ago, I wrote a piece called “Ten niche things I miss about Italy”. Considering my main shticks are interiors, food and travel – I thought no one would really care to read an essay about Italian quirks. But, much to my surprise, it ended up being my most popular article ever. It elicited a lot of responses, from fellow Italians who resonated with what I had written, to international readers who were intrigued by the functioning of a bidet.

It also happens to be the article I had the most fun writing (up until that point at least), and it got me thinking that perhaps I should tap more into that, whatever that is.

So I have written a compilation of seemingly completely irrational Italian popular beliefs that have shaped my childhood, and that I still, somehow, follow to this date. Most of them were imparted to me by my mum (doing her diligent mothering like any scrupulous Italian mother would). Most of them have stuck. All of them, as you will see, are fundamentally rooted in a deep national hypochondria.

Enjoy!

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1. Colpo d’aria

We are starting off with a banger, and the mother of all evil. A phenomenon that is so widespread in Italy as it is ridiculed abroad (just ask my English husband): I’m talking about the popular belief that a sudden gush of cold air hitting your body can have dire, if not deadly consequences. Colpo d’aria (literally “air hit”) can manifest itself in any season: in winter, it is a shortcut to giving yourself a sore throat; in summer, when you are hot and sweaty (and thus at your most vulnerable), it will inevitably result in getting your neck, shoulder or even entire back out of use. For days. It mustn’t, therefore, be underestimated, and it should be avoided at all costs. Measures span from sitting away from open windows or doors to bringing along a lightweight scarf at all times.

Most of all, you must avoid public enemy number one: the direct blow of an air conditioning unit. There is nothing worse than dipping in and out of the sweltering heat of Italian summers and the freezing cold of an indoor air-conditioned environment. My mother would rather be in a pool of sweat than turn on the AirCon. As you’ll soon discover, the sudden and internalised cold (which my friend Xinyue very cunningly dubbed the fundamental chill) is responsible for many ailments and has many ramifications.

2. Wet hair

Closely connected to Colpo d’Aria we have leaving the house with your hair wet. Whilst this may be acceptable behaviour at the pinnacle of summer, it is an unthinkable act to perform in winter, as it invites the deadly colpo d’aria to hit. No Italian will be spotted outside with their hair wet unless they have just been to the beach, and if you did attempt it, they would simply think you’re asking for trouble. I remember being completely puzzled when I moved to London, and I witnessed my close friend Geertje, who is Dutch, brazenly leave the house with her hair wet in the middle of winter (in fact, Geertje confessed to having never owned a hairdryer. I believe still to this day she doesn’t). Even more shockingly, her supreme act of hubris always seemed to go unpunished, which I can only assume is because we (Italians) must be built of different stuff than our northern friends. After all, their ancestors were fighting the Vikings, whilst ours were inventing the plumbing system.

3. Squaraus

The third, very scientific phenomenon attached to Colpo d’aria is Squaraus, a cute nickname conjured to conceal a much more unpleasant reality. This is the direct result of Colpo d’aria hitting your tummy area, at any time of the day really, but worst of all after a meal. This will result, without fail and within approximately 30 minutes from the incident, in (I am sorry but there is no easy way to say this)… spray poo. If you were to walk down Liverpool Street in London on a January Friday night, you’d never think this was a scientific phenomenon, but I can assure you, to us Italians it is a serious matter. I remember reading an explanation that made total sense to me (which I will spare you, because it involves blood and digestion and I am extremely squeamish), but trust me on this one.

Now, Joe thinks this is absolutely ludicrous of course. But it might surprise you to hear that other cultures share the same belief – the Spanish and the Chinese amongst them: it is one of the many things Xinyue and I bonded over (she always giggles at the mention of Squaraus). So there must be something to it.

4. The Two-Hours Rule

Every Italian child has been raised to observe this rule religiously, and let me tell you – we were not happy about it. The two-hour rule indicates the time one should wait between a meal and before immersing oneself into a body in water – be it the sea, a pool or a bath (unless it’s a hot bath and you undress in a warm environment, as so to avert the infamous Squaraus). Why, you may ask? Because, water is….repeat after me…..cold! And what happens if you get cold after eating (allegedly)? You block your digestion, you get cramps and ultimately, you drown. Bet you did not expect that did you? If this sounds like a tad over dramatic, I can assure you that that’s exactly what my mother, like any other Italian mother, used to tell me and my sisters, and the precept is so ingrained in me that I still observe the two-hour rule to this day.

A quick Google search (in Italian) led me to even more detailed (and admittedly, ridiculous) guidelines: you shall wait 30 to 40 mins after eating fruit and raw veg; 1 hour for carbs, fish, milk or soft cheeses. 3 to 4 hours for a steak. Finally (and this is my favourite bit), up to a whopping 4 to 5 hours for seasoned cheeses. Ignore these rules at your own peril, I’m going to stick to the two hours for good measure.

5. Cold drinks

The hatred for all things cold occasionally extends to drinks too, for the same presumed negative effects that ice has on your digestion. Now, I personally am not particularly fussed about this rule and I will have an iced drink in summer, but my mother will always make a point of ordering ambient-temperature water whenever we go to a restaurant and take ice out of her drinks.

6. Bland food

By this point, you may have gathered that we put a lot of thought and care towards our digestive system (some would say to the point of madness), which is why in Italy it is highly advised, when you are ill or sick, to have very bland food – preferably white rice or boiled pasta. No sauce is allowed bar a generous grating of Parmigiano, and a tiny nut of butter if you are starting to look a little perkier. The reasoning behind what appears a cruel and miserable diet is to allow your body to put all its energy into getting better, unencumbered by the task of digesting heavy foods.

Having always observed this rule since I can remember, you can imagine my stupor upon learning that growing up, my husband was served Doritos and Salsa dip in bed when convalescent. When asked about the logic behind this very odd (at least to me) choice of a meal, he simply shrugged and said he could have anything he wanted because he was ill, like junk food was the reward for valiantly fighting a fever. Oh to have had his childhood.

7. Canarino

If, by the will of God, you have followed all the precepts but still managed to somehow compromise your digestion, and are feeling nauseous for it, there is only one thing for it: Canarino (literally meaning little canary bird). This is a very simple remedy consisting of lemon peel, boiled until the water turns yellow. Depending on the severity of the nausea, you might sweeten the infusion with a spoonful of honey. The result of drinking Canarino, as my parents put it, is one of two things: it will either settle the nausea or induce you to throw up. Either way, you’ll pass the dreaded nausea stall and get on with your life.

8. Pediluvio

Another popular remedy to cure a variety of ailments is a hot footbath with sea salt. We use our beloved bidet for this procedure but you could use a bucket too. This is believed to be a mighty ally to relieve stress and inflammation, remove bad odour, disinfect, improve circulation, give you a better night’s sleep and even kick-start your period.

9. Bed orientation

When it comes to bedroom layout, my mum insists that the head of the bed should always point east, or alternatively north, but not south and most definitely never west. I am not entirely sure where she got this idea from (whether she has secretly been lapping up feng shui, or it is a national thing), but she claims that it is to do with the energy radiated from the sun: if your head lies in correspondence to the position of the sun rising, you’ll wake up feeling energised and refreshed in the morning; fail to do so, and you’ll feel like poop. I’ll admit that, of all her theories, this one seems like the most unsubstantiated, but just to be safe I have positioned all the guest beds in our home with the head to the East, and our own towards the North.

10. Moon & hair growth

Insofar as the sun can affect your energy levels, the moon is apparently responsible for how quickly your hair grows (don’t ask why, you know better than that by this point). Hence, you should wait for a descending moon phase to cut or wax your hair/s, as it/they will take longer to grow back. Unless of course you wanted a rapid regrowth, in which case by all means do all your grooming business during the ascending moon.